All alone in solitude

 Sooo.... It's not technically a sleepover. It's a training weekend but I am still sleeping in a strange building so it counts.  I am doing a peer education training about Resilience.  Resilience is part of your mental wellbeing and it is what makes you able to get through day-to-day struggles. In other words, my resilience is shit.  Apparently learning about it should help me, but I am incredibly sceptical. I don't think thats how it works, but oh well.  I have been trying to talk to people but I panic and end up looking mental.  Everyone here goes to school so I don't have much to talk about, which kinda sucks. They are all going on about GCSEs and stuff like that and it's draining.  I woke up this morning and got dressed. I then I re-read my notes that I made during the online Think Resilient introduction course. I had to add a bit at the end about what a disclosure is and what to do if one happens. It made me feel a bit sick honestly. 

I miss my friends.  Two of them are in isolation for covid and everyone else lives miles and miles away. I hate it  I HATE IT  I'M JUST A BURDEN NOBODY CARES  NOBODY FUCKING CARES  I'M SICK OF IT  I'M SICK OF EVERYTHING  I'm sorry I'm fine  I'm fine  I'm fine 

 My family and I have had a very interesting conversation today about YouTube.  Yes, I understand that all sorts of things can be learnt from it but you can't learn how to drive a car or do heart surgery on it. Yes, there might be some professionals on there but that doesn't mean that you can just hop into an operating room and cut open someone's chest cavity. You need to go to medical school and get training.  Anyway, how we managed to get to that discussion was that Blue Spider in Guildford has a new policy where if you want to go on the bouldering wall you have to look at a picture and tell an instructor what the people in the picture are doing wrong. After that you are free to climb. You aren't told how to climb safely, but as long as you can spot the difference between good climbing and bad climbing, you're all good? That's super messed up if you ask me. 

 So, I am watching Little Women and I have come to a conclusion that Jo March is a raging homosexual.  I know that this is set in the times when being gay is a crime but it just seems like she either bisexual or a lesbian.  Has anyone else noticed it? I mean, at the party!? A guy waves at her and she runs away. I'm pretty sure I would do the same thing, but that could just be because people are scary and I'd prefer to live in a world from a book as the people are so much nicer in books.  Anyway, that was my thought while watching this 

 I have been reminiscing and I have come to a very interesting conclusion.  The song "Boys Will Be Bugs" by Cavetown pretty much sums up my life at the moment.  I realise that this is incredibly strange to be writing about but I feel that this has to be acknowledged.  I feel like I especially relate to these two lines; 1. "I don't care about the government and I really need a hug" and 2. "I punch my walls, stay out at night and I do karate". Anyway, that was my thought of the day. It was incredibly random 

I had an interesting day yesterday. It started off well at the Brownie sleepover and then got better and then slightly worse as time went by.  I left the sleepover and went home to eat some lunch and get ready to go out again.  We left the house and went to our local museum for a session natural dyes and paints. It was really interesting, plus I got to see a few of my friends there. We used pestle and mortars to grind up clay to make a grayish powder that we could rub onto our pieces of paper. I made a killer sloth coming to eat a village. It started off as an Eagle. I don't know what went wrong.  Anyway, after that, my dad and I were dropped off at my grandmas house so that we could walk home and my mum and sister could take the car back to the Guide sleepover.  My dad and I went home and I brought the guinea pigs upstairs for cuddles. We watched Evolution and then The Italian Job.  After that I walked back to my grandmas house so that I could go with her and m...